one year ago today

one year ago today, aubren and i were enjoying a normal day; late in the morning we went to the park with friends, then came home for her nap. i noticed that she felt a little warm so i gave her a bit of tylenol, put her to bed, and thought nothing of it. when she woke up her fever had risen, and by 6pm it was at 102.7 degrees. of course, i didn't think too much of it - that is not high enough to be overly concerned, right??

i remember trey snuggling with her on the couch, and me dialing the phone to ask a friend when we should be concerned. the next few moments are still burned into my memory, though: before i could even reach caren on the phone, trey told me that aubren was seizing and not responsive. i called 911 frantically - trying to be the middle-man between trey and the operator was not a pleasant position. i remember her asking if aubren was breathing, and i remember trey saying "NO." i kept thinking to myself, "what is happening? a few minutes ago everything was okay." thoughts were screaming through my head - when should we do cpr? should we cool her down with ice packs? thankfully, though, the paramedics arrived almost immediately. it was such a surreal moment - listening to the ambulance siren and realizing that it was coming to our home - i hope i never have that experience again!

trey rode in the ambulance with aubren, and i followed in the car. shortly after we arrived and were admitted, the doctor told us how it is not abnormal for children to have a seizure with a fever. sometimes the temperature rises too quickly and their little bodies simply can not handle it; of course, as he was telling us this she had another seizure, which is not normal. since i had been on the phone with 911 during her first episode, this was a new experience for me. this time, i watched her eyes roll back, her fists clench and her little body jerk for what seemed like forever. after IVs, catheters, spinal tap, and CAT scan, we finally were taken up the children's floor, where we stayed 2 nights.

in the ER after her 2nd seizure

day two at her best - eating her fruit loops, aka "hula hoops"

she screamed the entire first night we were there. later, the doctor explained that she probably had a splitting headache and back ache from the seizures and the spinal tap - in retrospect, we really wished the nurses would have given her some pain medication. it also didn't help that, in our hurry to leave the house, i grabbed eeyore - not her favorite stuffed beagle, abbey. throughout the night she cried for abbey - we had to go home the next day to get him. in fact, when we got home to pick up a few items, i realized that amidst the chaos of 911 calls and ambulance rides, i forgot to shut the freezer. needless to say, we had a little mess on our hands.

because of multiple seizures, aubren had to go through more extensive testing. we were dismayed to learn that the CAT scan showed an abnormal density in her head; our doctor followed up with a pediatric neurosurgeon and neurologist, who both agreed that the density was likely not related to the seizures. she also had an EEG, which showed normal brain activity. and, in the year since then, we have had two MRIs; the pediatric neurosurgeon is convinced that it is a benign lipoma - a simple genetic defect, akin to a birthmark in her brain - praise the lord! ultimately, our best guess is that the seizures happened as a result of the illness roseola.

aubs rockin' the EEG with her sidekick, abbey

i have many memories of those few days in the hospital, but there are three that really stand out:

1) i remember everyone who rushed to the hospital to support us, and those who visited during our stay. i remember being in the emergency room feeling stressed and confused when my sweet friends arrived to give their support. i love, love, love my friends and am so thankful that i am in community with them. i love that they love me and my little girl! i am also so thankful for everyone who prayed for us!

aub's cookie bouquet from playgroup friends

2) i remember lying in the hospital bed with trey in the middle of the night watching aubren sleep. we held on to each other, cried, and prayed for our sweet aubs. i am thankful for such a loving and supportive husband and father! i love that he loves both of us desperately!

3) it was a traumatic stay for us and aubren. i don't know if it was the illness or the exhaustion from the seizures and tests, but aubren's eyes no longer lit up and she didn't smile or laugh for a few days. i remember, though, my parents walking in with a large stuffed dog. it was a wonderful moment for all of us - she lit up and was so excited. that is a moment we will never forget - the moment when we saw our little girl again!

thank you papa and jj - she still sleeps with it every night!

her seizures have been our worst experience with aubren, though i'm sure it was only the first of many bumps in the road to come. our "big" girl has already taken us for a ride this past year with many colds, ear infections, strep throat, a concussion, fifth disease, pneumonia, and a broken toe. we are just waiting to see what she comes up with next!